I'm completely coming unglued. I need a place for my head. I know you won't read this, but I have to come clean...
It's hard to figure out when my beautiful dream turned into such a nightmare. Days go by and I become more and more insecure. I am terrified that I am losing you a little bit more every minute...every tiny fraction pierces into my heart. No matter what you say, I know deep down that I truly am not what I used to be in your eyes. You don't look at me the same. You always tell me you love me, but it almost feels empty now when you say it...like it's a bad habit you just can't break.
And it's all my fault. This I know.
I can't seem to get passed my flaws. Like you say, it's like I put it all in reverse instead of moving forward. I keep regressing. But I don't know how to make it stop. I don't know how to be everything you need me to be.
I had a dream the other night. I stood in an empty field wearing a beautiful gown...a wedding dress. Except you weren't there. I couldn't find you anywhere. I looked everywhere but you were nowhere to be found. It's hard not to feel like that's exactly what I'm doing in real life. Like I'm running around in crazy circles trying to find my groom...trying to find you.
I'm scared of never being your beautiful bride...
It's a hard pill to swallow. I hate thinking that after so much I am now fighting to keep you. To have you love me like you did in the beginning. That I have to fight for the fairy tale happy ending that I thought would come so easily for us. Just know that I will keep fighting no matter what. I will find a way to change. I only beg that I am not too late...
I still think you have a battle of your own. I feel like you are trying to believe in your own words. I know you are trying to not let us slip away. With every passing day, you tell me that all of this negativity that I feel is all false. That when you say you love me you mean it with every bone in your body. That we will make it through it all. I pray every night that you are right, but every night I fall asleep to the thought of you waking up.
So tell me, am I the reason why you tossed and turned last night?...
